Interracial marriage is all about accepting differences and appreciating similarities, marriage is a life-changing event. Marrying a foreigner is one of the boldest decision that people can ever do in their life because of many differences. Many challenges are waiting for both of you, and to have a happy relationship you must understand, value and respect each other. To be happy together you both must compromise. In my last blog, I discuss What To Expect When You Marry A Filipina and this time our topic is What To Expect When You Marry An American Man. Let’s get started.
Note: This is just based on personal experienced and story of some friends, no generalization whatsoever. This topic may or may not apply to all American man.
American Don’t Take Hint
Have you ever had to deal with a someone who just won’t get a hint? well, I always heard that most Filipino who are having a relationship with other race is their foreigner partner from other countries won’t get a hint and American men are one of them. Unlike Filipino, we can easily feel if somebody need help or need something through their acts and the way they talk. Most of the American’s don’t want to guess, they want you to speak up they are not a mind reader, they are very straight forward. Filipina fiance/wife with American partner must speak up if they want something to say because if you keep silent and don’t tell what’s on your mind anything will not change. American will always assume that you are ok until you speak and tell your problems directly to him so being sulk or commonly called as TAMPO to Filipino will not work to Americans. I strongly advise that if you have a problem with your American partner don’t stay quiet, don’t wait for him to ask you what is your problem because he may not do it. He might wish that you just come out and tell him what’s wrong. It would help him so much to know because he wants to make things better for you.
American Are Outspoken
American’s are very outspoken, they can tell you boldly what they want to say no matter how sensitive you are. If they see something wrong to you as wife they can tell you about it, If they don’t want to do something they can tell it to you straight forward. Sometimes we can misinterpret them beacuse Filipino are very sensitive, but being outspoken is just normal to them. They can say whatever their want but not in a rude way, they are just being real and want to speak their mind.
American Are Frugal
Americans are frugal but not 100% all americans because there’s also a certain people who don’t value money. Being frugal to Americans is normal which is a good sign that he is not a show-off or bragging anything just to impress that he can give everything for their Filipina wife or fiancee but the truth is he is broke. Being frugal doesn’t mean he is stingy, it’s just mean that he is smart when it comes to money. Don’t get hurt if he can’t give you material things, he probably has enough money to buy most of the things you ask for, but he just doesn’t want to spoil you. Western culture dictates that money and love cannot mix. And they become frugal and smart using money because at their young age they have learned to be independent, they have learned not to depend on their parents that is why they know how to spend money.
American Used To Use Credit Cards
American used to use credit cards all the time, but it doesn’t mean they are drowning into debt or they don’t have a cash, they just prefer to use credit card than bringing cash or using debit cards and they use credit card for them to be able to have a good credit score (points) and if they have good credit score the bank can trust them and think that they can afford to pay them. And most credit card company are generous with point accumulation for things like gift cards, airline miles, cash etc. But the major reason of using a credit card is fraud protection, If there is a dispute with the merchant, you can call the credit card company and fight the charges and the record of the transaction is always available to the company. Whilst it could be a major pain in the neck if your debit card is used fraudulently it can take long hours or months to get your money back into your account, it means less headache if they use a credit card because the credit card company are always there to fix the problem for them. We all know that American love credit cards, and it may seem that your American fiance has a lot of money to spend but he may actually swimming in debt, perhaps he is crazy about you and want to make you happy that is why he spent too much for you using credit cards. But normally Americans know their limitation using their credit cards it’s just sometimes they are being crazy to women and want to impress.
They Take Advantage Store Good Deal
American love to look a good deal to online before they go to the store, they even use coupons to save for some stuff they want while some store does send coupons and list of good deals to the houses. They are very frugal and they value their money from their hard work, they don’t want to spend too much to the stuff, they take advantage good deal but they are not really a fun of sales in stores meaning they just buy important stuff that they need with a lower price. No matter how low the price or sale in the store they will not gonna buy it, and if they buy something it seems that they panic buying they buy double or multiple of the stuff they like because their reason is the item will not last to the store so they take advantage the good deal, they are also a fan of black Friday which you can buy cheaper stuff. I remember the first time I shopping with my husband, I’m a bit irritated because we shop to a different store which I don’t do in the Philippines. If I shopping in SM mall I will buy everything there. Until I understand why he is doing it because stores in the US has a different good deal. As time goes by I used to enjoy this kind of thing, but I am a big fan of sales and clearance and it is a big saving at the same time I can collect the pieces of stuff that I want to put to a Balikbayan box for my family for a very low price. If you want to buy something tell it to your husband don’t be shy to speak up, it’s better to speak up what you want than using his money without his permission.
They Don’t Turn Over The Salary To Their Wife
American don’t turn over their salary to their wife, most Filipina with western husband says their husband dont give their salary to them, their husband is the one who is incharge in budgeting. This is very different in Filipino tradition because in the Philippines the one who is in charge to budget the finances is the wife meaning the husband used to turn over all his salary to their wife and the wife will going to budget it. It’s ok that the husband is in charge of finances we can understand that at least your wife doesn’t get a headache to budget all the expenses but I think you must also initiate to give allowance to your wife even if it’s just $1 because she gonna feel that you just brought her to America just to be your maid or nanny of your kids. You don’t have to give her a big amount, $20 or more is fine by doing that she can buy whatever she wants and don’t feel pity for herself. But as a wife of American you also have to teach yourself that it’s his money and not yours, he earned it so he can decide what set up he wants about the house finances but you can speak up and tell your concern, he will like direct discussion because he gets the information he needs to plan and decide about your concern.
They Cuss A Lot
Most American used to cuss, it’s normal to them to cuss or says bad words especially the four-letter words and other curse words liberally men and women alike but it doesn’t mean they are not good people, it’s just the way they are. While cuss in Philippines is not good to our ears especially if you cuss in Tagalog. You can hurt other people feeling if you say bad words while talking. Yes they cuss but it’s either they are upset to somebody. So if you have Filipina wife please try not to cuss and always watch your mouth because she might think you’re cussing her and we really don’t like to hear any bad words though, because Filipina are very sensitive and Filipino parents don’t allow kids to mention any bad words when they are talking. When we hear somebody is saying bad words expect that people around you will stare at you and seems that you kill somebody because cussing is shockingly hurtful!
They Are Overly Friendly
American are overly friendly, dont get jealous if your american husband is talking somebody especially cashier in the store, waitress etc. It’s normal in the US to be friendly. Like a cashier, they always greet each other and they sometimes talking while the cashier is doing her job. Don’t think that they are flirting it is just normal for them to be friendly. In the Philippines it is very rare to find a friendly cashier, they don’t even smile at the customer.
They Value Privacy
American value privacy, most of them don’t want to share anything in social media, they are not really a fan of posting on Facebook, they don’t want to tell the world what’s going on to them. You can’t even invade their social media account or some confidential matter unless they want you to know everything regardless of his personal information. That is ok just respect him because they really value privacy, don’t feel hurt just because of that. To keep your American man happy you’ll need to understand that he values privacy, he also needs his own private space such as a room in which to keep his belongings that are arranged according to his personal preference which he can feel his space. The thing that makes this space comforting to him is that he has control over his items, no matter how messy his space is. Do not try to tidy up his space without his permission you will be missing the point and you might make him angry. A different aspect of privacy is that American consider many details of their life off limits for public discussion such as their age, weight, salary etc. If your family in the Philippines ask him for his personal information in front of everyone he might feel uncomfortable and they consider it a nosy question. I know it’s hard for them to share their personal information that is why to the visa process some Filipina and Americans couples were having a misunderstanding because it’s required to the embassy to bring the confidential documents of US Citizen during the visa interview of their Pinay fiancee but American don’t want to share his documents like itr, w2, birth certificate etc. because they are afraid that their information exposed to other people. But it’s a must submit documents, however not posting to social media is acceptable in my opinion because they don’t have to post everything to social media what important is you know what’s happening to him, It’s just mean you marry a man, not a boy. Privacy also applies to group events, Filipino like to go out on a family outings and trips in order to keep each other company. Everyone is comfortable and happy crams into cars off together, stick together as much as possible during outing. Westerners are uncomfortable being packed together with others like sardines, they may find it exhausting and incredibly frustrating
They Are Hard Working
American are a hard working person, even old people still wanted to work as long as they can work. American still work even if they are sick and even the weather is not really good. But at this point I can say everyone all over the world are hard working, Filipino are hard working but the only difference is in the US the older people can still work while in Philippines older people at the age of 50-60 are mostly just staying in the house its because there is no job opportunity for the older people. In America it’s very rare to see people outside the porch because they are all busy working and making money, that is why when you move to the US expect that you will be alone at home every day because your American husband have to work the whole day, you can do house chores when you feel homesick or do blogging and anything that makes you entertain while your American husband is away.
They Are A Good Provider
American is a good provider and even if they are divorced they still give child support to their kids until the right age, they can even support the kids of their Filipina wife from the past. They can work hard just to provide and give the needs of their family they don’t escape to the obligation as a father.
They Hate Food With A Stinky Smell
American don’t like the strong smell of anything even food, they don’t want dried fish, fish sauce etc. If you’re a Filipina wife consider this as a warning, yes you love and miss the dried fish but don’t cook it when he is at home because they hate the smell of dried fish. Respect his request if he asks you not to cook when he is home because he is not a Filipino that can take the smell of our food.
They Love Sport And Football
American love sport, maybe because since grade school sport really matters to them. That is why even if they grow old they still love sports. They even love to watch their favorite football, if there is a football game expect that he will watch it until the end and you cannot change the channel if he is watching a sport that he likes. If you don’t want a misunderstanding just try to learn how to watch his favorite sport even if you don’t understand that game because eventually you gonna learn it and love it.
They Wear Shoes Even Inside The House
Don’t be surprised when you see your husband wearing his shoes inside the house, some American meaning nit all American used to wear shoes or socks at home, some Americans also prefer barefoot inside the house. While Filipino used to wear slippers/flip flops inside house (slippers for inside and outside are different), that’s the way they are and they might adapt your Filipino culture which is wearing slippers/flipflops inside the house but if he doesn’t like to change his own style just understand him and eventually he may realize that he must wanna try your Filipino culture style, the only bad thing is if he wears shoes that he used to wear outside and inside that’s a bit disgusting because he might bring dirt and bacteria inside the house. If he is like that kind of American I think that would be a little bit problem to you to convince him to stop doing that thing.
They Value Weekends
American really value weekend’s, they love to relax at home watching TV all day long during weekends. Unlike Filipino, if we have no work on weekends we go out anywhere with friends or family. American also go out during weekends but you have to tell them early if you want to go out on weekends because their mindset is to relax at home and enjoy the day because they work hard the whole week that is why the weekend is very precious to them.
They Have Pride
American have pride because they become independent early they refuse the help of other people even the help of their parents. Let’s say he is in a bad way like broke or ill it means he needs help, he might continually refuse offers for help because he is proud and has pride. He wants to prove that he can take care of himself and work his way out of any tight squeeze. His peers or parents may think its a wrong choice but they will respect his show of independence. While in the Philippines once somebody offer helps it’s not good to refuse the offer it seems rude and people may think and assume you are show off because you don’t accept any help.
They Love to Mow The Grass
When I move to the US I wonder why people always mowing the grass even if the grass is not yet growing, they don’t want the grass to grow like grass in the Philippines that let grow even until 3-6 feet lol! So don’t wonder if you hear your neighbor mowing the grass early while your sleeping.
They Love To Encourage Independence
Once you move to the US with your American man expect that he gonna encourage you to be independent like learn how to drive or order food on your own to Mc Donalds or pay in the cashier. You may think that he is not sweet to you because in the Philippines most men just asked their gf/wife what food do you want but they are the one who gonna order for you. American men want to encourage you to interact and socialize for you to be able to improve your vocabulary and be independence and by doing that you will be more confident and comfortable in the US.
Those are only a few lists What To Expect When You Marry An American Man. To be happy living with each other you must both make compromises on the very issues that are central to your self-esteem. Your American partner might lose some of his prized independence and you as Filipina will suffer because of your cultural differences, this kind of relationship requires extraordinary patience for you be live happily ever after. And because you love each other it doesn’t matter if you have different culture what important is you respect each other, you understand each other and most especially you love each other I’m sure the two of you can work on it.
Do you experience like this to your American man or do you want to add more in the list just comment down below?
Thanks a lot,